The blog you are reading should be funny, inspiring, or at the very least a good diversion from opening the email your boss just sent over that is riddled with words like “procedural” and “integrate”. If the stories here do not not live up to that promise, please feel free to contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org and remind her to get her shit together. You can find wacky stuff, like the time I stayed in the Bates Motel and had to use a chair and table to secure my door closed, to personal rants like 5 things you should never say to a writer. My hope is to keep you interested longer than 58 seconds, which is how long Google Analytics tells me folks are currently willing to stick around.
While you are here, feel free to sign up for my monthly newsletter. It’s a little ditty I deliver directly to your inbox (without the help of the US Postal Service) and it’s filled with great books I’m reading, links to funny shit, and updates on my book. Oh yeah…I’m writing a book. Find out about that in the Becoming A Writer and Other Boredom section.
Personal Shit: I am married to a happy, laid back, hardworking guy who believes in my hair brained plan to one day be a published author. I love the smell of his breath and his ability to deal with my crazy. We have two kids, a house in suburbia, a rescue dog, and a racist cat. There is no white picket fence because that would be too cliché…even for us.
Education: None. I graduated from high school without any writing experience, awards or scholarships. Shortly thereafter, I attended massage therapy school because I was convinced I was too stupid for college, but I needed a way to make money as a grown up. A decade later, I attended Utah State University with a major in English, but only lasted five semesters before I abandoned that expensive venture. My dream job doesn’t necessarily require a Master’s Degree, so I took my mom’s advice and started writing. School of hard knocks? Sure. Street smart? A little, but I still get scared walking through a dark parking lot alone.
Uninteresting Facts: When I am not writing, I enjoy taking Pilates classes, going on reasonably short hikes, vacationing with my family, and reading. I have a fiercely loyal relationship with Guinness beer and dream about traveling to Ireland where I will spend an entire week sampling beer and gorging myself on pub food. My secret talents include; being able to walk on my toes, itching my ear like a dog, and forgetting important birthdays. My favorite authors include John Steinbeck, Anne Lamott, Elizabeth Berg, Stephen King and David Sedaris. My fierce crush on Mr. Sedaris will likely land me in jail one day.
Contact Me: Interested in chatting with me about my beer fetish or lack of education? Email me at email@example.com