Ahhh Family

Only because my family specifically told me I could blog about them am I sharing this with you today. I of course assume that they meant I could share every single moment of embarrassment, poor choices, family drama etc. If you did not mean that…contact an attorney and I will see you in court. Ha ha ha ha. But seriously I have my rights. And so…a story today about my baby sister. Now I will share more about the fact that I have over 11 siblings but I only grew up with my younger brother and sister. My baby sister was spoiled by our dad. Severely spoiled. It was so bad that she could get out of eating my mom’s disgusting casseroles by sitting at the table for hours until dad got home and get whisked away to McDonald’s for a burger with no ice (onions…dumb baby). So it really is no wonder that my brother and I could easily come together to make her life challenging when we could. Sister had a tattered baby blanket that she dragged everywhere with her which earned her the name vagabond girl….she pronounced it bagabond..but we all get the idea. The best of times were hiding blankey where her miniature frame couldn’t reach and we laughed until tears came to our eyes. She would whimper and beg for that bacteria filled cloth..running from room to room. Then we really did have tears because dad heard the princess poopy pants was being treated poorly (as all whiny babies should be) and you could plan on being in trouble. Poopy pants would also create problems for us by crying when we hadn’t done anything to her because she knew she could get us a good kick in the pants by being a big fat liar. So here’s to you baby’s of the family…you know you deserve being punished by your siblings because you get pampered by the people who use to like us…. before you came along.
I love you poopy pants.

Have A Banana…

Riddle me this? How can a grown up being trained for eight hours a day not catch on to ringing up a coffee or writing on a cup? Even customer service is out of the norm for these people. My question? What the fuck have you been doing for money for the last 5-10 years of your life? Are you a trust fund baby or just an idiot who cannot be trained? You do realize even monkeys can be trained to do harder jobs then serving coffee…and they are monkeys. There is a no part of me that has compassion after three weeks of training and you are asking me how to mark a Vanilla Latte or how to brew coffee. In my mind I am saying ” Look kid..we tried, but having a wall here would be easier than having you here because at least I can move around a wall and get my fucking job done.”
No one babied me at any job I ever had…I got my fucking guts ripped out numerous times. I cried, got lectured, worked for no fucking money (yes, I know I still do. Thanks Mr. Obvious) and came out with a work ethic that puts your mom to shame.
So a little word to you immature, lazy, inconsiderate, rude, late, out of dress code, monkeys…..when you bring your A game..I will lay off the intimidation stunts…but until then get use to my stink eye. Cause baby…I will watch you quit before I wipe it off my face.
Judgementaly Yours, Me

How about I Charge You For Pissing Me Off?

I knew there was a more than one reason I don’t shop at Toys R Us on a regular basis…I used to think it was just the because everything is overpriced. No, I realize now that there are a few reasons to steer clear of this childhood hoarding opportunity.
Reason 1: I was only there for 45 minutes and encountered more employees than customers. Oh..so thats why your toys cost 40% more. When you have enough time to have a pow wow in the Playdough aisle, you may be a little overstaffed.
Reason 2: Did not see posted on price of bike “Price listed here is no where close to what you will pay at the register”. Apparently they can charge you 10 bucks extra to put the bike together…even when they really don’t put it together. They give you the floor model and laugh all the way to the bank. Bastards.
Reason 3: There is no such thing as a quick trip into Toys R Us with children. It’s as overwhelming to their senses as Forever 21 is to mine. Where to start? What to grab? How long to cry to get what I want? Then just wander aimlessly for two hours and not know how to spend my small gank of cash.
Once a year I get to remember why I avoid this place at all costs….because, friends, the cost is pretty fucking high.