Things To Ponder On Mother’s Day…

I had to laugh out loud yesterday when I heard my daughter and her friend talking in the other room. The prequel to this story is that I had worked until midnight the night before, went grocery shopping after, got to bed at 2 am and crawled out of bed the next morning at 6:30 am to run my first 5K. So as I am resting on the couch that afternoon I hear my daughter say “Yeah, I don’t know, my mom is just laying on the couch today” Her friend says ” Yeah that’s what moms do all the time..they take lots of naps” Ha ha ha ha…the hell we do. Frankly, I am concerned for moms that don’t ever lay on the couch and rest. Even once. My mom and grandma were like that…I don’t remember my grandma even sitting down let alone resting at any point in her life. I am pretty sure looking back that she was superhuman in every way…. so that standard is completely unreachable. The only “naps” my mom took were with my dad on Sunday afternoon with the door locked. I don’t think there was a lot of sleep involved.
I remember my mom saying “When your kids are young, you just don’t nap. You need to keep your eyes on them at all times” And she did. I give her props cause she was with us or watching us all the time. I am a different mom and have just recently come to accept this. I sit and read the paper for an hour in the morning….I fall asleep on the couch while the kids play in the backyard….I sleep through movie night and I am a great mom. So here’s to all the moms out there who nap….kids need happy, well rested mommys and sometimes napping through Spongebob is how we make it through a day of laughing, playing, holding and teaching. Happy Mama’s Day.

Kindness Matters…So Stop Being Such A Bitch

Little update to people in the world who are insistent on being complete fucking bitches when ordering at a drive thru. Not that hard to put some emphasis on kindness and being polite…I am showing you that courtesy when I repeat your order back to you. I am making sure you get exactly what you pay for at the window. So don’t be an asshole and drive off while I am talking…that makes me want to give you the wrong drink and stink eye. You then have the audacity to hand me your money and not look at me…like I’m a leper or something? Kind of wanted to punch you out when you ended the transaction with “Ummm..did you get these right?” Don’t know…why don’t you pull away while you still can cause I am about ready to crawl out this window and choke a bitch.

Dollar Bills Ya’ll

After a rather unsatifying day of mopping, cleaning mats and doing dishes I was day dreaming about what I would do with a gank of cash in my hand…not millions. Let’s say $400, 000….let the spending begin….
1. The obvious…quit job…but not just basic two week notice. Get like an hour into work then just drop everything, grab my shit and yell on the way out “I quit, later bitches”.
2. Pimp out mini van. Why the fuck would I buy a new one…this one is tits (and paid off). I am talking some sweet rims…a nice system that could wake the neighbors….upgrade the DVD…throw some dice in the mirror.
3. Go to snooty, upscale store and try on a million things…make sales lady really work for it. Buy nothing. Go to Target and buy everything.
4. Send mom flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, and the biggest Thank You card ever made.
5.Take kids to Toys R Us and say “You each must fill up a cart with everything you have ever wanted”. Buy it all and send it to Grandmas’ house.
6. Buy husband floor seats to the Jazz. For the whole season.
7. Save the rest for a rainy day.
8.Call old job and apologize for sudden outburst…must have been new medication. I’ll be in tomorrow.