Where did those come from?

Ummm if you haven’t taken a look at what is following you everywhere you go, I suggest you do so now. Your ass, my friend. Have you seen it in a while? Cause I had not and there are a few things to note: Why I looked so close? I have been working out for five weeks and expected to see small, tan, firm bottom. What I really saw? Dimples!!! Yes, you and I both thought they were reserved for adorable babies and squishy grandmas…well apparently not. What else was there? Weird freckles, stretch marks and some kind of double butt underneath that I have never seen on my body. How many fucking hours a day do I need to work out to aleviate the horrified feeling I have right now? No, really its a question I need to know the answer to.

How Did I End Up Caring About The Gym

I have apparently reached an age where instead of eating less and drinking more as a health plan, I need cardio and salads to feel in shape. Ugh…and feeling bad about smoking is a whole new concept for me. I really think there must be some subliminal messages in gyms that make you judge yourself for all the things you use to love about yourself. Somehow having a healthy heart, flat stomach and no muffin top is where its at and smoking with a large Red Bull in one hand is something to do in dark corners behind large dumpsters. I am torn between living healthy and being the person I have known for thirty years. Damn you age, you’re fucking with my plan.